The Irony of Dying on Your Birthday

Interesting week.

I took a trip out to Winona to visit my friends G and E, and to go see the band Cake with them. Awesome show, by the way, they were really good live. I was a bit drunk so I don't remember parts of the show, but what I do remember was fantastic. Afterwards we headed over to a bar for an after party, and I put what little dancing skills I had to use for a few hours. I'm not much for dancing normally, but it actually turned out to be really fun. The best part of the night was by far the search for food. At St. Cloud, most places close at 3 AM, but in Winona it's 2 AM I guess. We called Little Caesar's, Dominoes, and a couple other places I don't remember because I was still drunk at the time, but we finally made it to Hardee's. Seriously, the last time I was there was like 6 years ago, but I remember they had this thing called the Monster burger, which thank God they still had it. I looked down the menu, everything looked so good and then I saw the Monster. 2/3 lb. Bacon. Cheese. Delicious. And a bargain at only $7.49! There were four of us in my car and we somehow managed to blow 30 dollars. We headed back to the rest of the group, who were in this little maintenance cave/hole type thing, really cool place actually. Let me tell you, that was one of the best burgers I've ever had and I'm so thankful we had beer to go with it. C couldn't finish his, but hey, it is a 2/3 lb. burger, so I let it slide.

Saturday morning we woke up, had breakfast and then E and I took off for home. We talked about B on the way back, and I basically came to the conclusion that even though she wants more, it would be unfair of me to pretend like I'm into her just to get over AS. It would be terrible of me to use her like that. Hooking up once is one thing, nothing serious even happened, but pretending to be into someone? I don't think I could ever do that to anyone I consider a friend. So that's that, I'll have to tell her sooner or later I guess but I'm really dreading it.

AS and I hooked up again on Saturday. It's been a long time since we did anything, like 3 months I think. She had her wisdom teeth out and wanted something for the pain. She begged for alcohol so I finally gave some to her, which was a huge mistake. She must have snuck some because I only gave her one shot. We wound up making out on my couch and when we were done I felt more depressed than I have since the last time we slept together. I worked so hard to get over her, and I thought I was making at least a little progress. Even completely sober, I couldn't turn her down. I still want her that bad. God help me, I need to get over this girl. Since then I've been pretending things are ok, but they're definitely not. I'm so lost without her, and I'm lost when I'm with her. I've realized that we're way too different for things to ever work out between us, I think. Maybe. Love is a funny thing.

Today was her birthday. We baked a cake together, played videogames, and watched Heroes. (Which is finally back on! I missed that show so much!) All of that was well and good...but I wanted to kiss her, so badly, all day.

What's a Boy to do?