Once again...sorry for being late. One of the most frustrating things to me is when bloggers or people running a personal website promise updates and then fail to deliver.
When last we left our heroes...
One of them was falling in love.
One was brokenhearted.
Through my first semester I spent more hours than I care to count on the phone with AS. My first month, I racked up a 300 dollar phone bill because we kept talking during the day. I missed class so many times (ended up failing all of them) because we were on the phone til 4 or 5 AM. I went home every weekend to see her. I would seriously estimate that more than half of my waking hours were spent either thinking about her, talking to her, or spending time with her. I mean now I look back and I realize I totally wasted my first semester of college on this girl. I made no friends, didn't do anything, and failed all my classes. But hey, that's life, live and learn.
She's the first and only girl I've ever slept with. We hooked up more times than I care to remember, drunk and sober. Not always sex, but every time we hung out there was usually something. Sex was a huge mistake, probably one of the single biggest ones of my life. She wanted to wait for marriage, and I knew that going into, but I was so drunk...Of course this whole time I'm trying to keep my friendship with TB, and everyone associated with him. All was well and good for awhile but I started to sense that things weren't right towards the end of November. The secret got out. Through lots of complicated fights with some other friends, events (she was practically raped by another one of my friends, a girl too), and situations, and with endless drama, it got out. The next 3 months were some of the lowest of my life. AS was basically my only friend during that time. A few others, but not many. So we had each other, so I thought. Things started to fall apart between us around the end of Christmas break. I began to question what I was doing, screwing around with one of my best friend's exs. I decided I had to get over her. So I started to. We talked about what we were doing, and decided to try and cut back. It worked ok, I guess. We did cut back some on what we were doing.
2nd semester I came home. My parents obviously found out about my grades and hit the roof, I was grounded for a month. I managed to spend some time with her too, but not nearly as much as I had been before. The honeymoon phase ended and I started to notice things I overlooked before, because I was so into her. She's not independent at all, she won't do anything without being forced into it. She hates working. She has no taste in music. She's difficult and hypocritical. When she wants me to do something I don't want to, it's all well and good, but she will never bend for me. So I stopped bending over backwards for her. It's actually been nice, I mean it's not like I'm getting any anymore so I have nothing to be worried about losing.
These last couple weeks have been weird. She left for a month to stay with family, and I just felt so detached from her. It didn't help that she didn't get service so I barely talked to her. My life was so much easier. No 4 AM phone calls, no constant demands to hang out, no whining. It was nice, but at the same time I missed her like crazy. When she finally did come back I was a different person. Colder. More distant.
I've been trying to get over her since then. And it's going alright so far, I mean sometimes I feel so close it's scary and other times I just want to be as far away from her as possible. It's a struggle to find a place where I can be comfortable being her friend, without being more.
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