Several Ways to Die Trying

Finally saw AS today, for the first time in 3 weeks...and it wasn't at all like I expected. Over the past few weeks I've grown so distant from her. There are too many turn offs and not enough turn ons for me to ever be involved with I think. She's so self centered, terribly materialistic, and unreasonable, all the time. Everyone is like that some of the time, I just can't deal with it all the time.

She calls to tell me that R saw Jack Black. So what? He's a human being, just like the rest of us, he just happens to be very blessed and has the gift of acting, so people know his name. Big deal, no reason to hyperventilate. But that's exactly what she does. R knows all these celebrities, he wears good jeans, he might be on CSI, blah blah blah I hope all that material stuff makes you happy. I would love you til the day you die, but I can't buy you True Religion jeans so you're not into me. Bullshit.

The whole day she kept telling me how much she missed me, how much she loves me. Then show me. Be different. Show me that you respect my opinions as much as I have tried to respect yours. But she's no different at all. I finally told her about B, and she freaked out. It hurt her, that I didn't tell her right away, and...she was jealous. And I was happy. It felt good to know that now she knows a fraction of the pain I felt every time she hooked up with another random guy that would do nothing for her. Bitter sentiments, I know, but I'm done putting up with it. Time to move on. She had me at hello and she turned me down, her loss.

Then the night comes to an end and my neighbor is drinking, but on a limited supply of alcohol. AS wasn't going to spend the night but she somehow weaseled her way into it, so she could drink. And she kept saying, "Well you introduced me to it!" So what, doesn't mean you have to drink as often as you can and go to such extreme measures to get it. So I convince my friend to give me some of his liquor, not a lot, enough to get my neighbor and her friend done up, and she is all "Can I have some? I just want like two shots." Why, so you can feel good about yourself or something? The whole thing was just pathetic. She kept stealing drinks from one of the girls...it was just one of the lamest things I have ever seen her do.

I'm so over her. All I needed was some time away. (and maybe a random hookup)

Big Girls Don't Cry

Had a long talk with AS last night, about R, and about us. The conversation went something like this:

AS: I know you don't like it when I talk about him. Are you jealous?

Boy: Not really...I'm just saying, be careful.

AS: Ok, ok. You know you're my best friend and I love you more than anything right?

Boy: (uninterested) Mmhmm.

AS: You're mad at me! ...Have these last three weeks been as good as you thought they were? It seems like you've been going out with a lot of your other friends.

Boy: Yeah, it's been nice. I mean I've missed you and all, but it's been great reconnecting with people. I feel like I've really gotten my life in order. And I just...I can't be on call for you, any more. I mean I'm still here, and everything, but I really gave up everything first semester for you. I failed all my classes and didn't really make any friends...so yeah, I just need to focus on getting through school.

AS: (voice breaking) I knew this would happen, you'd leave me.

Boy: Oh come on, I'm not going anywhere. I'm just saying, if you notice a difference, I've just gotten my priorities straight is all.

AS: (Sniffling) Ok...so you still love me? And we can still be close?

Boy: Of course I do. And of course we can.

AS: And you won't forget about me?

Boy: How could I forget about you....you're the first girl I've ever been in love with.

And that was that. I feel so good about my life right now, like things are really on track for me. I really do have my priorities straight. I finally feel like I'm in control of things between AS and I. I'm right with God, I think, after like 5 years. Took forever for Him to get my attention but I finally listened. I stopped buying things so compulsively, and overeating, and I'm starting to lift again and I've been running. Class is going much better so far. I've reconnected with a lot of my old friends like I said. And now I'm just waiting for summer to start, so the adventure can really begin.

I Won't Spend Another Night Alone

One night stands are invariably a much more complicated process than need be. There are rules to those types of things, you just won't find them anywhere on the internet, or your local library. Ask the nearest frat boy, however, and I'm sure he can tell you.

Rule #1: DO spend at least some time getting to know the person you want to hook up with. This makes (guys) look like nicer people, and (girls) like they're not as slutty/horny as they really are.

Rule #2: DO leave your name/number the morning after, if you are actually interested in seeing that person again.

Rule #3: DO NOT, while lying in miscellaneous states of undress, tell the other person you "love them" and you're both "meant for each other."

Rule #4: DO NOT lie to the other person about your relationship status. They will find out somehow if you do, and they will make things painful for you.

And last, but certainly not least: Rule #5: DO NOT assume that your one night fling equals a relationship. Odds are both of you are drunk, if not, you (sir) are a pimp and you (miss) are playing things a bit too easily. It is the alcohol fueling your desires. Nothing else. If, in the morning, you discover feelings exist for the other person, don't tell them then. Wait a couple days. Call them up, ask how things are going and if they'd possibly be interested in a movie, cup of coffee, or similar first date. If not, move on. Plenty of fish in the sea.

I state these rules with confidence because I have been on both the giving, and receiving end, of these types of situations. I think I'm about to be on giving end again, and that sucks. B was a cool girl and everything, but things would never work out. I mean, first off she's two years older than me so she'll be done with school before I'm even a senior. She called me tonight...drunk...saying she wished I was there, and that I was the only one she'd called that night. *sigh* What's a Boy to do?

Finally told AS off...that I can't be available 24/7 any more. I have other friends, I have other things to do in life, and I have to do well in school this semester or I'll end up going nowhere in life. She didn't take it well, but hey, maybe she'll realize what she's missing when it's gone. She still doesn't know about B either...I need it to hurt when she hears. To know what it feels like when that person you want kisses someone else. That's horrible of me, I know...but I don't know how else to get my point across.

Sweat the Battle Before the Battle Sweats You

So AS wound up getting a ticket after leaving Mr. 31 year old's house, we'll call him R. I think they made out, which is just absolutely perfect for her. She needs the attention of random men to feel better about herself. Whatever, not like I care. I'm done sugarcoating things for her.

Finally made things up with T, after about 3 months of not speaking to each other. That definitely has made life better. He's one of my oldest friends, and not worth losing for any girl, much less AS. I picked him up from Augsburg and we chilled at my house for awhile and watched Heat, fantastic movie.

On a better note, see my header up there? That last part, actually, to be more specific. The part about getting some. Mission accomplished. Went to this party over at UW Stout last night, it was pretty boring for the first hour or so, but then I joined a game of quarters and ended up doing alright. I was checking out the music selection, and this girl walks up. Her name is B. We start talking about music, it turns out she loves AFI, The Postal Service and all sorts of other good bands. We started talking about the music industry and selling out, and we both agreed that if you're devoting your life to making music, you might as well make money off it. Turns out she got an AFI tatoo done a week ago, it was pretty cool looking. We decided to play some beer pong and ended up losing by one cup, oh well. I played her some songs on guitar, then we played some Guitar Hero (she's way better than I am) and then she gave me a tour of the house we were at. She said she owned Pi but hadn't seen it, so we decided to watch it together. One thing led to another, and that was that. I had to bail around 4 AM or so to drive E back to the dorms, but overall it was a really good night.

Unsexy update: Oooo...they did make out. And she's happy about it! Even better!

She

Every time she's been drunk, she's hooked up with somebody, whether it's me or someone else. Especially when they're alone.

She is drunk right now with a 31 year old. Should I care, considering how she's thrown my advice back in my face? No. Do I? Yes.

Screw that.

(Début)

So...this is the first. I really wanna give this whole blogging thing a good shot...it's better for getting your secrets down than friends are...most friends can't be trusted. More on that in the future! Welcome, welcome, to my humble abode...my little corner of the internet. I'll try and update at least 3 times a week, if not more, but my life is not that exciting. :)

<3 always.

P. S. - Lost is the best show on TV.